Glossary of fetish terms

The kink world has its own language. Learning it isn't just about sounding like you know what you're talking about — it's about communicating clearly with partners, understanding your own desires, and navigating the community with confidence.

This glossary covers over 80 terms — from everyday BDSM basics to more specific roles, practices, and community concepts. Each definition comes with the nuance the community actually uses, not a dry dictionary entry. Where a term has a dedicated guide on this site, you'll find a link to go deeper.

One important note before you dive in: most of these terms are guidelines, not rigid definitions. What a word means in practice depends on the people using it. Two dominants can have very different relationships with the word 'dominant'. Use this as a starting point, not a rulebook.

Aftercare

The time after a BDSM scene or intense play session when partners come back to themselves — physically, emotionally, and mentally. Aftercare looks different for everyone: for some it means physical closeness, reassurance, and warmth; for others it's space, a soft blanket, water, or quiet conversation.

Crucially, aftercare isn't just for the submissive. Dominants experience adrenaline and emotional intensity too, and their need for recovery after a scene is just as real. Neglecting a dominant's aftercare is one of the most underacknowledged issues in the community. Good aftercare is often what separates a meaningful scene from a difficult one.

Read the full guide to aftercare →

Age Play

A form of roleplay where one or more consenting adults acts a different age from their actual age. Age play is not inherently sexual — many people find it comforting, cathartic, or creatively fulfilling rather than erotic. Common dynamics include Daddy Dom/little girl (DDlg), Mommy Domme/little boy (MDlb), and the broader caregiver/little (CG/l) framework.

It is important to be clear: age play involves consenting adults only. The community takes the distinction between fantasy and reality very seriously.

Age play explained →

BDSM

BDSM is a portmanteau covering Bondage & Discipline (B/D), Dominance & Submission (D/s), and Sadism & Masochism (S/M). The term acts as a broad umbrella for an enormous range of consensual activities, dynamics, and lifestyles.

BDSM is not a single thing — it's a spectrum. Someone who enjoys being lightly tied up and someone in a 24/7 master/slave relationship are both under the same umbrella, but their day-to-day experience looks nothing alike. What unites them is consent, intention, and the fact that what they do together means something to them.

What is BDSM? Full guide →

Bondage

The practice of physically restraining a partner for pleasure. Bondage ranges from light restraints — silk ties, padded handcuffs — to rope bondage, leather cuffs, spreader bars, and full-body mummification.

Physical restraint creates intense sensations of vulnerability and trust simultaneously. Many people find bondage powerful precisely because of that combination: the restrained person trusts completely; the person holding the rope holds that trust literally in their hands.

Bondage explained →

Bottom

The person receiving sensation or action in a BDSM scene. Bottom is a scene-specific role — it says nothing about who that person is in a relationship, or whether they identify as submissive outside of play.

A common misunderstanding: bottom and submissive are not synonyms. A submissive can take the active role (sometimes called a service top). A dominant can be the person receiving sensation (dominant bottom). The terms describe what's happening in a specific scene, not who holds power in a relationship.

Brat

A submissive who deliberately misbehaves, pushes back, or acts defiantly — not because they've lost sight of consent or limits, but because provoking a reaction from their dominant is part of how they engage with the dynamic. Bratting is the behaviour; the brat is the person doing it.

This is a fully consensual dynamic. The dominant needs to actively enjoy the challenge for it to work — a brat paired with a dominant who expects straightforward compliance is a mismatch, not a power dynamic.

Brat Tamer

A dominant who specifically enjoys handling bratty submissives. Where many dominants expect and prefer compliance, a brat tamer finds the resistance entertaining and energising. They are not tolerating the brat — they are genuinely enjoying the game. The interplay between a well-matched brat and brat tamer is its own satisfying dynamic.

Brat taming explained →

Chastity

A kink involving preventing or controlling access to a partner's genitals, typically using a physical device such as a chastity belt or cock cage. Orgasm denial is central — the keyholder decides when, whether, and how the wearer receives any release.

Chastity play can run from a single scene to a long-term lifestyle dynamic lasting weeks or months. The psychological element — the ongoing, daily awareness of who holds the control — is often just as significant as the physical restriction.

Chastity explained →

CNC (Consensual Non-Consent)

A pre-negotiated dynamic where one partner agrees in advance to act as though consent has been withdrawn during a scene. Sometimes called rape play or forced play, though those terms are contested. The apparent paradox in the name is intentional: genuine, detailed consent given in advance is what makes the scenario possible at all.

Both partners discuss and agree to everything beforehand. CNC requires deep trust, careful negotiation, and robust safety mechanisms. It is not a beginner dynamic, and it is not something to be approached without extensive experience and communication.

Collaring

The formal act of a dominant accepting a submissive into their ownership, typically marked by the giving of a physical collar. For many in the community, a collaring ceremony carries the emotional significance of a wedding — a public declaration of a serious and committed dynamic.

Collars exist at different levels. A consideration collar signals early interest. A training collar marks an ongoing dynamic in development. A formal or permanent collar is the most committed level, given when both partners are certain of the relationship.

Collaring explained →

Mutual, informed, ongoing agreement to participate in an activity. In BDSM, consent is not a box to tick at the start — it's an active, continuous part of every dynamic. It can be withdrawn at any time, by either person, for any reason.

The community often describes good consent using the acronym FRIES: Freely given (not pressured or coerced), Reversible (anyone can change their mind), Informed (everyone knows what they're agreeing to), Enthusiastic (a genuine yes, not a reluctant one), and Specific (agreeing to one thing doesn't mean agreeing to everything). Consent is the entire difference between kink and abuse.

Full guide to consent in BDSM →

Cuckolding

A dynamic where one partner derives pleasure from their partner having sex with another person — often while watching or knowing about it. The erotic charge comes from a combination of voyeurism, humiliation, and compersion depending on the individual.

Cuckolding can be dominant-led (the dominant instructs their partner to take a lover) or submissive-led (the cuckold finds arousal in the experience of being 'replaced'). The third party in the dynamic is typically called the bull.

Cuckolding explained →

Daddy Dom

A nurturing dominant in a DDlg (Daddy Dom/little girl) dynamic. Daddy Doms provide structure, safety, and emotional care — the dynamic centres on protection and guidance rather than strict obedience or pain. The relationship is not necessarily sexual and has absolutely nothing to do with real family relationships.

Daddy Dom explained →

Degradation

A psychological kink involving the deliberate reduction of a person's perceived status or worth — through words, scenarios, or acts — for mutual erotic pleasure. Deeper than humiliation in its intent: where humiliation targets embarrassment, degradation targets self-worth and status.

Like all psychological play, degradation requires explicit negotiation. What one person finds deeply arousing, another may find genuinely harmful. Specific language, scenarios, and firm limits must be discussed before any scene involving degradation.

Degradation explained →

Dom Drop / Top Drop

The emotional and physical crash that dominants can experience after an intense scene — similar to sub drop, but far less discussed. As adrenaline and endorphins leave the body, a dominant may feel flat, emotionally hollow, guilty, or simply exhausted in the hours or days following a scene. Aftercare for the dominant is just as valid and important as aftercare for the submissive.

Top drop explained →

Dominant

The person who exercises control in a power exchange relationship or scene. Dom is typically used for male or gender-neutral dominants; Domme for female dominants. The terms are capitalized in community writing as a mark of the role.

Being dominant is not the same as being aggressive, cold, or controlling in a negative sense. Many dominants are deeply caring — the authority they hold is exercised in service of the dynamic and their partner. The community draws a sharp distinction between genuine dominance and bullying.

What is a Dominant? Full guide →

Dom Sub

An abbreviation of dominant/submissive. Refers to a relationship or sexual encounter where one consensual partner takes the dominant role and the other the submissive. The power flows in a direction that both partners have chosen and negotiated.

A common misunderstanding is that the dominant partner is solely in control for their own benefit. In practice, a well-functioning dom/sub relationship is built around the needs and limits of both people — the dominant exercises authority within boundaries the submissive has set.

Understanding power exchange →

Dogging

The practice of having sex in semi-public locations — typically cars or outdoor spots — often with strangers watching or participating. Dogging communities establish known meeting spots and operate with their own unspoken etiquette. The term reportedly originated from the excuse people gave to police when found in secluded car parks late at night.

Edge Play

A broad and inherently subjective term for BDSM activities that carry higher risk — physically, psychologically, or both. What counts as edge play depends entirely on the person: knife play may be routine for an experienced practitioner and genuinely dangerous for someone without the skills or experience.

Edge play always demands more thorough negotiation, more robust safety measures, and considerably more experience than standard play. Examples include breath play, blood play, fire play, and knife play, among others.

Edge play explained →

Electro Play

Using electrical stimulation devices — such as TENS units, violet wands, or purpose-built erotic electrostimulation equipment — to create sensation ranging from a mild, pleasant tingle to sharp, intense pulses. A specialised form of sensation play with its own safety requirements and a dedicated community of practitioners.

Electro play explained →

Exhibitionism

Sexual arousal from being watched, displayed, or performing for an audience — whether for a specific partner, at a play party, or in other consensual settings. The opposite dynamic to voyeurism. Many exhibitionists enjoy the power that comes from commanding attention as much as the exposure itself.

Exhibitionism explained →

Femdom

Female dominance — any dynamic or scene in which a woman takes the dominant role. Femdom encompasses an enormous range of styles, from strict discipline and psychological control to sensual authority and goddess worship. A female dominant may use the title Domme, Mistress, Goddess, or any title that suits her dynamic and preferences.

Fetish

Technically, a fetish is a sexual fixation on a specific object, material, or body part that is essential — not simply a bonus — to arousal. In everyday conversation the word is used more loosely to describe any unconventional sexual interest, and both uses are common.

The distinction can matter when you're talking about yourself. There's a difference between enjoying foot play and having a foot fetish: the latter suggests feet are a core component of sexual arousal, not just something exciting. Neither is more valid than the other — it's about understanding your own experience accurately.

Kink vs. fetish: what's the difference? →

Fet Lifestyle

A phrase used by people with a serious, ongoing interest in fetishism and kink. The fet lifestyle goes beyond occasional exploration — it often involves visiting fetish clubs and events, building a wardrobe of fetish wear, and making kink a meaningful part of everyday life rather than an occasional activity. For many, it's a community and an identity as much as a sexual preference.

Financial Domination (Findom)

A power exchange dynamic where the submissive — variously called a pay pig, cash slave, or finsub — gives money or gifts to the dominant (findomme or findom) as an act of submission. The financial transfer is the primary expression of the power dynamic, not simply a transaction.

Findom ranges from light tribute paid as appreciation through to intensive financial control where the dominant has significant influence over a submissive's spending. As with all kink, explicit negotiation and mutual consent define the line between dynamic and exploitation.

Findom explained →

Flogging

Impact play using a flogger — a handle with multiple tails made from leather, suede, cord, or other materials. The sensation varies dramatically depending on the flogger: wide suede tails deliver a heavy, enveloping thud while thin leather tails create a sharp sting. Flogging is one of the most widely practised forms of impact play and is often recommended as an accessible starting point with proper technique and safety knowledge.

Flogging explained →

Foot Fetish

A sexual interest in feet — one of the most common fetishes across all genders and orientations, and one of the most thoroughly documented in research. Foot fetish encompasses a wide range of expressions including worshipping, massaging, kissing, and the enjoyment of being stepped on, among many others. Despite being extremely common, it remains one of the most under-discussed interests in mainstream conversation.

Foot fetish explained →

Free Use

A consensual dynamic in which the dominant partner may initiate sexual contact with the submissive at any time, without negotiating each instance separately. Free use is a pre-agreed arrangement — consent is established in advance through detailed discussion of terms, limits, and the contexts in which the dynamic applies.

Funishment

A punishment that the submissive genuinely enjoys. Often used playfully in brat dynamics, where a brat misbehaves specifically to earn a response they want. Funishment differs from real discipline, which carries actual consequence and is not secretly desired. The distinction matters to the dynamic — a dominant who can't tell the difference between funishment and genuine discipline may struggle to maintain authority in a brat relationship.

Golden Shower

The act of urinating on a partner for erotic purposes. Also called watersports or urolagnia. More common than openly discussed — research consistently finds it among the more widely held sexual interests that people rarely feel comfortable admitting to. As with all kink, what matters is that all parties have consented and are enjoying themselves.

Groupsex

Sexual activity involving multiple partners simultaneously — typically four or more people, distinguishing it from a threesome. Groupsex can happen between friends, within swinging communities, at organised play parties, or in other consensual contexts. Communication and clear agreements between everyone involved are essential.

Handler

A person who cares for, trains, or manages a pup or pet in a pet play dynamic. Handlers are not necessarily dominant in a traditional BDSM sense — the role is more focused on guidance, training, care, and the relationship with the pet than on strict authority or control. A good handler understands the animal headspace their pup or pet is in and knows how to work with it.

Hard Limits

Things a person absolutely will not do — non-negotiable, regardless of context, how a request is framed, or how established a dynamic is. Hard limits are respected without question or pressure by anyone operating with integrity in the BDSM community. Pushing against a hard limit is a serious breach of trust.

Hard limits vs. soft limits explained →

Humiliation

A kink involving the erotic pleasure of being embarrassed, mocked, or made to feel small — or doing that to a willing partner. Humiliation can be verbal (insults, demeaning language), physical (embarrassing positions or acts), or psychological (being ignored, dismissed, or unfavourably compared to others).

Negotiation is absolutely essential in humiliation play. The same word that one person finds deeply arousing can be genuinely damaging to another. Specific language, scenarios, and firm limits must be discussed and agreed before any humiliation dynamic begins.

Humiliation explained →

Impact Play

Any kink activity that involves striking the body for sensation, arousal, or as part of a power dynamic. Impact play includes spanking, flogging, caning, paddling, and whipping. Each implement creates a different type of sensation — from the broad, thuddy impact of a heavy flogger to the sharp, focused sting of a cane. Safety in impact play depends critically on knowing which areas of the body are safe to strike and which are not.

Impact play explained →

Kinky

A term used to describe an unconventional sexual interest, desire, or activity. The word covers a wide range — for some people, kinky simply means wearing something provocative or introducing a blindfold; for others it refers to elaborate BDSM dynamics or specific fetishes. The word itself carries no judgement: it's descriptive, not diagnostic.

Kink

An umbrella term for sexual interests, practices, or relationship dynamics that fall outside conventional expectations. Kink is broader than BDSM — BDSM is a subset of kink, not the whole picture. It covers everything from light roleplay and restraint through to full-time power exchange relationships and specific fetishes.

There is no precise line between kink and vanilla sex — the boundary is cultural, personal, and shifts over time. What matters is that kink is consensual, intentional, and meaningful to the people involved.

What is kink? Full guide →

Kinkster

A person who is into kink. A self-identifying term used with warmth and solidarity within the community. Being a kinkster carries no implication about the intensity or frequency of someone's interests — it simply means kink is part of who they are.

Kinbaku / Shibari

The Japanese art of aesthetic rope bondage. Kinbaku (meaning tight binding) and Shibari are used interchangeably to describe a style of rope work that emphasises beauty, symmetry, and emotional connection as much as physical restraint. The interaction between the rigger and the person being tied is considered as important as the ties themselves — often described as a conversation conducted through rope.

Shibari has been adapted and combined with Western rope techniques in contemporary practice. Suspension — lifting someone off the ground using rope — is one of the more advanced applications and carries significant safety requirements.

Shibari / Kinbaku explained →

Knife Play

Using knives or blades on the body for sensation — typically running the flat or edge of a blade slowly across skin to create psychological intensity and physical sensation, usually without breaking the skin. Fear is a central component: the psychological impact of a blade creates arousal that has little to do with cutting. A form of edge play requiring substantial skill, significant trust, and careful preparation by both parties.

Knife play explained →

Latex / PVC Fetish

Sexual interest in wearing or seeing latex, rubber, or PVC clothing and materials. The appeal is typically multi-sensory: the visual of the material, its distinctive smell, the way it feels against skin, and the way it encases and displays the body all contribute. There is a large and dedicated community around latex and rubber fetish, with specialist designers, photographers, and events.

Latex fetish explained →

Leather Fetish

Sexual interest in leather — clothing, equipment, restraints, or the smell and feel of the material itself. Leather has deep roots in kink history: the leather community was one of the first visible BDSM subcultures, with particularly strong roots in gay male communities from the mid-twentieth century onwards. The leather community has its own traditions, events, and codes of etiquette.

Leather fetish explained →

Little

An adult who takes on childlike characteristics, behaviours, or a regressed emotional state — either during play or as part of an ongoing relationship dynamic. The little role is often paired with a Caregiver, Daddy Dom, or Mommy Domme. Littles are always adults; this dynamic has nothing whatsoever to do with minors. Many people find the little headspace genuinely comforting and restorative, separate from any sexual element.

Masochism

Deriving pleasure — often but not always sexual — from receiving pain, restraint, or humiliation. Masochism is one half of the S/M pairing, though a masochist does not necessarily identify as submissive, and a submissive does not necessarily enjoy pain. The experience of pleasurable pain is physiologically distinct from harmful pain: the body's release of endorphins and adrenaline transforms intense sensation in ways that are difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it.

Master / Mistress

A dominant in a Total Power Exchange or Master/slave dynamic. Masters and Mistresses typically exercise a greater degree of control than dominants in standard D/s relationships — authority that extends across day-to-day life rather than being limited to scenes or play sessions.

Within the community, these titles are generally considered earned through experience and the depth of a real dynamic, rather than simply claimed. Using them appropriately signals that a person understands the weight of what they mean.

Middle

A variant of the little role — an adult who regresses to or roleplays an older child or teenage state rather than a very young child. Middles tend to have more independence than littles and may enjoy activities, media, or behaviours associated with tweens or teenagers. The middle role fits within the same age play and caregiver dynamics as the little role.

Mommy Domme

A nurturing female dominant in an age play dynamic — the maternal counterpart to the Daddy Dom. The Mommy Domme provides care, structure, warmth, and emotional safety, often in a relationship dynamic with a little boy (MDlb). As with all age play, this dynamic involves consenting adults and has no connection to real family relationships.

Mommy Domme explained →

Munch

A casual, non-sexual social gathering for people interested in BDSM and kink. Munches typically take place in ordinary public venues — a pub, a restaurant, a cafe — and participants dress normally. There is no play at a munch. They serve as one of the primary entry points into the real-world kink community, giving newcomers a low-pressure way to meet people and ask questions in a normal social environment.

Negotiation

The conversation — or series of conversations — before a scene or relationship in which partners discuss desires, hard and soft limits, experience levels, safe words, and expectations. In the BDSM community, negotiation is treated as a skill in its own right, not a mood-killing formality. The quality of the negotiation frequently determines the quality of everything that follows.

Guide to BDSM negotiation →

Orgasm Control

A power exchange practice in which one partner controls when — or whether — the other is permitted to orgasm. This ranges from teasing and denial within a single play session to extended chastity arrangements lasting days, weeks, or longer. Orgasm control can be physical (via a chastity device) or purely behavioural (an instruction to ask for permission).

Orgasm control explained →

Owner

A dominant who holds a pet or slave in a relationship framed around ownership. The language of possession — being owned, belonging to someone — is central to many power exchange relationships and carries deep significance for the people involved. Ownership dynamics often include collars as physical symbols and may involve detailed rules, rituals, and daily protocols.

Pantyhose Fetish

A sexual interest in tights, stockings, nylon, and related hosiery. The pantyhose fetish can take many forms: some people are primarily attracted to seeing a partner wearing hosiery; others enjoy wearing it themselves as part of cross-dressing or sissy play; others are drawn to the specific texture and feel of the material during sex. A common and widely held interest that rarely gets discussed openly.

Pegging

Anal penetration of a male partner by a female partner using a strap-on dildo or harness. Pegging has grown significantly in mainstream awareness and remains one of the most searched kink terms. While the word is sometimes used more broadly for any strap-on sex between partners, its specific meaning refers to a woman penetrating a man.

Pet Play

Taking on the persona and behaviours of an animal — most commonly domestic pets such as dogs, cats, or horses — either for a single scene or as an ongoing relationship dynamic. Pet play is as much about the psychological headspace and the relationship dynamic as it is about costumes or props. Many participants describe the animal headspace as a genuine and valued mental state — a break from human roles and responsibilities.

Pet play explained →

Play Party

An organised event at which BDSM and kink activities take place among consenting adults. Play parties vary enormously in size and style — from intimate gatherings among friends to large club events with dedicated dungeon space. Most established play parties have dungeon monitors to enforce the rules of the space and ensure everyone's safety and comfort.

Power Exchange

The central dynamic of most BDSM relationships: one person consensually transfers a degree of authority or control to another. Both people are actively participating — the dominant accepts responsibility for the power they receive, and the submissive chooses to give it. The word exchange matters: both parties give something and receive something in return.

Understanding power exchange →

Praise Kink

Arousal or significant pleasure derived from being praised, affirmed, or called good. Often discussed as the gentler counterpart to humiliation — where some people are turned on by being degraded, a person with a praise kink responds powerfully to being celebrated and validated. More common than many people realise, and frequently underrepresented in kink spaces that focus primarily on pain and control.

Praise kink explained →

PRICK

Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink. A consent framework that places individual accountability at the centre — each participant takes responsibility for their own safety, their own risk assessment, and ensuring their consent is genuinely freely given. One of three major consent frameworks used in the BDSM community, alongside SSC and RACK.

PRICK explained →

Primal Play

A style of BDSM that strips back protocols, titles, and formal dynamics in favour of raw, instinct-driven interaction. Primal play often involves physical elements like wrestling, chasing, biting, scratching, and growling. Primal players may identify as Hunter or Predator (typically the dominant role) or Prey (typically submissive), though the appeal for many is precisely the freedom from rigid labels.

The core attraction is often the permission to be genuinely animalistic — to abandon the restraint and structure of everyday D/s in favour of something that feels more honest and less performed.

Protocol

A set of agreed rules governing how people behave within a D/s relationship or dynamic. High protocol dynamics have detailed, formal requirements — specific postures, required honorifics, strict service rituals, elaborate rules of address. Low protocol dynamics are more relaxed and informal. Protocol shapes the texture and feel of an ongoing power exchange relationship on a day-to-day basis.

Pup Play

A form of pet play where the participant adopts the persona, behaviours, and mindset of a dog or puppy. Pup play has its own substantial and distinct community — particularly within gay male BDSM spaces — with dedicated events, specialist gear (hoods, mitts, tail plugs), and a rich internal culture. The psychological state of being in puppy headspace is considered its own valued experience, distinct from the physical costume and props.

RACK

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. A consent framework developed as a response to SSC, acknowledging that no BDSM activity is completely without risk. Under RACK, participants understand the risks involved in what they're doing, accept those risks, and consent to them explicitly. Considered by many practitioners to be more honest and practical than the Safe, Sane, Consensual model.

RACK explained →

Rigger

A person who ties — using rope, chains, cuffs, or other restraints. Rigging is considered both a technical skill and an art form; experienced riggers may spend years developing their craft and refining their style. The role blends control, aesthetics, creativity, and deep trust in roughly equal measure. A rigger holds their partner's safety literally in their hands, and the community takes that responsibility seriously.

Rope bondage explained →

Roleplay

Assuming a character, persona, or scenario for the purposes of a scene or ongoing dynamic. Roleplay in kink ranges from simple scenarios like teacher and student through to elaborate, long-running dynamics with developed characters and ongoing narratives. Costumes, specific language, and dedicated spaces can all contribute to the immersion of a roleplay scene.

Roleplay explained →

Rope Bondage

Restraint using rope — the most versatile and widely practised form of bondage. Rope bondage covers simple tie-and-tease all the way through to the intricate aesthetic patterns of Shibari and full suspension bondage. Technique matters enormously: poorly executed rope work can cause nerve damage, cut off circulation, or result in falls. Learning from experienced practitioners and taking safety seriously is essential.

Rope bondage explained →

Rope Bunny

The person being tied in a rope bondage scene — the receiving role in a rigger/rope bunny dynamic. Some people prefer the term rope bottom, which carries fewer connotations. Rope bunnies range from people who enjoy casual, sensual restraint through to dedicated practitioners who actively train in suspension and complex ties and consider it a serious discipline.

Sadism

Deriving pleasure — often sexual — from consensually inflicting pain, restraint, or humiliation on a partner who wants to receive it. Sadism in a BDSM context is always consensual and always mutual in the sense that both people are getting something meaningful from the exchange. The community distinguishes sharply between sadism, which is about shared erotic experience, and cruelty, which is not.

Safe Word

An agreed word, phrase, or signal that any participant can use to pause or stop a scene immediately. The chosen word is typically one that would not come up naturally during play. The most widely used system uses traffic light colours: Red means stop everything immediately, Yellow means slow down or check in, and Green means all is well and play can continue.

Safe words are non-negotiable in any responsible BDSM dynamic. In scenes where verbal communication isn't possible — during gagging, for example — a non-verbal signal such as tapping out or dropping a held object is used instead. Anyone who refuses to honour a safe word has crossed a fundamental line.

Full guide to safe words →

Scene

A BDSM encounter or play session with a defined beginning and end. Scenes can be sexual or non-sexual. The term deliberately separates kink activity from the rest of life — what happens within a scene may look and feel very different to how both people behave outside it. Agreeing when a scene begins and ends is part of good negotiation.

Sensory Deprivation

Removing or reducing one or more senses — most commonly sight using a blindfold, or hearing using earmuffs or a hood — to heighten remaining senses and create a state of vulnerability and heightened awareness. Removing sight, for example, dramatically amplifies the experience of touch, sound, and anticipation. Sensory deprivation is often one of the first things people explore when they begin with kink, and remains one of the most effective tools for creating intensity without physical pain.

Sensory deprivation explained →

Service Submission

A form of submission where the primary expression is acts of service — cooking, cleaning, organising, attending to the dominant's needs and preferences — rather than explicit pain play or formal power dynamics. Service submissives often find deep satisfaction in being genuinely useful and valued by someone they respect. The dynamic may look mundane from the outside but carries significant meaning for both people involved.

Service submission explained →

Slave

A person who consensually enters a Total Power Exchange relationship, typically with a Master or Mistress. Slaves generally give up more day-to-day autonomy than submissives — often with power exchange that extends across all aspects of life — and may have very limited hard limits within the dynamic.

The word is used within consenting adult dynamics and has no relation to historical slavery. Some people prefer alternative terms such as property or simply use s-type to avoid the connotation while still describing the same relationship structure.

Soft Limits

Things a person is uncertain about, hesitant toward, or nervous to explore — not a firm no, but not an enthusiastic yes either. Soft limits can be approached carefully over time, negotiated, or set aside entirely depending on both partners' comfort. They require more checking in, more communication, and more care than activities someone is clearly enthusiastic about.

Hard limits vs. soft limits →

Spanking

Striking the buttocks — with a hand, paddle, strap, hairbrush, or similar implement — for pleasure. One of the most widely practised forms of kink and one of the most common entry points into impact play. Spanking can be light and playful or intense and disciplinary, depending on the dynamic, the implement, and what both partners want from the experience.

Spanking explained →

SSC

Safe, Sane, Consensual. The original guiding consent framework for BDSM — activities should be physically safe, conducted by people in a sane mental state, and mutually consensual. SSC has been debated and critiqued over the years (not everything can be made truly safe; 'sanity' is difficult to define), which led to the development of alternative frameworks including RACK and PRICK. Many practitioners use all three frameworks as complementary perspectives rather than choosing one.

SSC explained →

Sub Drop

The emotional and physical crash that submissives can experience after an intense scene — sometimes immediately afterwards, sometimes 24 to 72 hours later. Symptoms include low mood, tearfulness, anxiety, physical exhaustion, and sometimes flu-like feelings. The cause is physiological: endorphins and adrenaline dissipate, cortisol rises, and the nervous system recalibrates after intense stimulation. Knowing sub drop is possible, and planning aftercare accordingly, is part of responsible BDSM.

Sub drop explained →

Submissive

A person who consensually gives a degree of control to a dominant — for a scene, a relationship, or a full-time lifestyle. Submissives have agency, limits, and the absolute right to withdraw consent at any time and for any reason. The power a submissive gives is a gift, freely offered.

Submission is not weakness or passivity. Research on BDSM participants consistently finds that people who explore submission tend to be highly self-aware, communicative, and emotionally intelligent. Choosing to trust someone with genuine authority over you requires considerable confidence and self-knowledge.

What is a submissive? Full guide →

Subspace

An altered state of consciousness that submissives can enter during intense play — often described as floaty, dreamy, deeply relaxed, or mildly dissociated. Subspace results from the body's release of endorphins and adrenaline and the brain's shift into an altered processing mode. It can feel profoundly peaceful or deeply intense depending on the person and the scene. Aftercare is especially important when a submissive has been in subspace, as they may remain vulnerable and disoriented for some time after a scene ends.

Subspace explained →

Swinging

Swingers are couples who consensually engage in sexual activity with other people — either privately with another couple or at organised swinging parties and clubs. Swinging communities have their own etiquette and culture. Individual couples set their own rules and limits, and these vary widely: some couples play separately, others only together, and most maintain clear agreements about what is and isn't part of their arrangement.

Switch

A person who takes both dominant and submissive roles — not necessarily in equal measure, and not necessarily at the same time. A switch might be dominant with one partner and submissive with another, or shift roles within a single relationship depending on mood, context, or what both people need in a given moment.

Switches are sometimes dismissed as not being 'really' dominant or submissive. The community increasingly recognises this as reductive — most people contain more complexity than a single fixed label can capture.

What is a switch? Full guide →

Tickling

Using tickling as a form of sensation play — ranging from light, teasing touch to prolonged and intense sessions where escape is not possible. For ticklish people, sustained tickling can produce extreme sensations, involuntary laughter, helplessness, and a loss of physical control that maps interestingly onto power exchange dynamics. A kink that is frequently underestimated in its intensity by people who haven't experienced it seriously.

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Top

The person administering sensation or action in a BDSM scene. Top is a scene-specific, practical role — distinct from dominant, which describes a relational authority. A submissive can be a top in a scene (performing acts on their dominant at the dominant's direction). A dominant can be the person receiving sensation while still holding all the relational authority. The terms describe what's happening, not who is in charge.

Total Power Exchange (TPE)

A relationship structure where one person gives up authority across essentially all aspects of their life to another — 24 hours a day, not only during scenes or play sessions. TPE relationships are relatively rare, require an exceptional level of trust and communication, and involve ongoing, detailed negotiation about what exceptions apply — work, medical decisions, family obligations, and so on.

Vanilla

Non-kinky. Used to describe people who aren't into BDSM or kink, or sex and relationships that don't involve kink elements. Not an insult — purely descriptive, and used affectionately as much as technically. Many people move between vanilla and kinky relationships at different points in their lives.

Voyeur

A person who derives sexual pleasure from watching others — whether during sex, in semi-private settings, or in other scenarios. In kink contexts, voyeurism is always consensual: participants at play parties may invite observers, and couples may include a watcher by deliberate agreement. The opposite dynamic to exhibitionism — where exhibitionists want to be seen, voyeurs want to watch.

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Wax Play

Dripping hot wax onto skin as a form of sensation play. The experience combines heat, anticipation, the sound of the wax dropping, and the visual effect of it hardening on skin. Temperature management is crucial: candles sold specifically for wax play are formulated to melt at lower temperatures; ordinary paraffin candles and scented candles can cause burns. A popular and relatively approachable form of sensation play when done with the right materials and appropriate care.

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