BDSM beginner quiz — find your starting point

Starting out in BDSM is more straightforward when you know what direction to start in. This quiz is designed for people who are new to kink and want to understand their interests and readiness without the overwhelm of trying to figure out the whole territory at once.

Answer based on where you actually are right now, not where you want to end up. The most useful result is the honest one.

Work through each question and choose the answer that feels most true — go with your gut rather than what you think you should answer. Note your choices as you go, then scroll down for your results.

Question 1: What first drew you to kink and BDSM?

A. Something specific — a particular activity, role, or dynamic that has consistently appealed to you.
B. The general idea of power exchange — the dynamic between people rather than any specific activity.
C. Curiosity — you have encountered it and find it interesting, but you are still working out what specifically appeals.

Question 2: How much do you know about how BDSM consent and safety work?

A. A reasonable amount — you understand safe words, negotiation, and the basic consent frameworks.
B. Some — you know the basics exist but have not gone deep into the detail.
C. Not much — you know it matters but could not explain how it actually works in practice.

Question 3: How clearly can you describe what you are looking for to a potential partner?

A. Clearly — you know enough about your interests to explain them specifically.
B. Roughly — you have a general sense but not the detail or language to be precise.
C. Not yet — you are still working out what you actually want before you could explain it to someone else.

Question 4: How comfortable are you with explicit conversations about sex, desire, and limits?

A. Fairly comfortable — you can have direct conversations even if they are sometimes awkward.
B. Getting there — you know it is necessary but it does not come naturally yet.
C. Not very — this kind of explicit conversation feels exposing or difficult.

Question 5: What has your experience with kink been so far?

A. Some — you have experimented with elements of kink, even if nothing deeply structured.
B. Minimal — maybe one or two experiences that touched on it, or online-only exploration.
C. None — this is entirely new territory for you.

Question 6: What is your primary concern about starting to explore BDSM?

A. Finding compatible partners — you are reasonably prepared but do not know where to meet the right people.
B. Doing it safely — you want to make sure you understand the risks and how to manage them.
C. Knowing what you want — you are not yet clear enough on your interests to feel ready to connect with anyone.

Question 7: How do you feel about the idea of meeting a kink partner for the first time?

A. Ready, with appropriate caution — you know the basics of meeting safely and are ready to do it.
B. Interested but uncertain — you want to do it but you are not yet sure how to go about it safely.
C. Not quite there yet — you want more self-knowledge and information before you get to that stage.

Question 8: What do you want most from this quiz?

A. Confirmation that I am ready and where to find the right partners.
B. Guidance on what I should learn or understand before I start connecting with people.
C. Help figuring out what I actually want and where to begin.

Your results

Count up your answers and find your result below.

Mostly A — Ready to connect — find your people

You have done the groundwork. You have some clarity about what you want, a working understanding of consent and safety, and enough comfort with direct communication to start connecting with partners. You are not going to get everything right straight away — nobody does — but you have what you need to start well. Read our guide to vetting BDSM partners and red flags in BDSM dating before your first connection, then join Kink Connex and find the people you are looking for.

Mostly B — Almost ready — a little more preparation first

You are heading in the right direction but there are gaps — in safety knowledge, communication confidence, or clarity about what you want — that are worth addressing before you start connecting with partners. The good news is that they are not large gaps. Read our guides to consent in BDSM, pre-scene negotiation, safe words, and first experience safety. Once you feel more grounded, join Kink Connex — the community here is used to welcoming people at different stages.

Mostly C — Early days — start with self-knowledge

You are at the beginning of the beginning, which is the right place to be honest about. The most important work right now is self-knowledge — understanding what specifically appeals to you, getting familiar with how ethical kink works, and developing enough language for your desires to communicate them clearly to a partner. Start with our beginner's guide to kink, what is BDSM, how to identify your kink, and is kink normal. When you feel ready, Kink Connex will be here.

What next?